The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Rings
by mulberry
Summary: Finally, another update. It's time someone cleared things up 'round here. An' I'm the one to do it. Another disco favourite!
1. A look into my strange mind...

Hello, and welcome to my latest cunning plan. I think I reached my breaking point, because you can only watch "The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert" so many times before you start singing "I don't care if the sun don't shine, I get my lovin' in the evening time…" in class. I suddenly had an epiphany after watching Priscilla for the first time after I had seen LotR. My thoughts went something like this:

****

Left brain: mmm….pretty songs let's put on the soundtrack again….I've been to paradise, but I've never…  
**Right brain**: Shaddup with the singing. And whatever you do, don't even start with the ABBA.  
**Left brain**: You know, wasn't it funny seeing Elrond in a dress? Did you see his legs when….  
**Right brain**: I said shaddup. You can't take a hint can you? Leave me alone, I'm working.  
**Left brain**: I didn't know you had a job.  
**Right brain**: I don't get paid, I'm writing stuff for Fanfiction.net. Not that you'd know anything about jobs.  
**Left brain**: Oh yeah, those song thingys. Can I write one? Please? Puh-leeeeeeese?  
**Right brain**: You wouldn't be able to do it.   
**Left brain**: Could too.  
**Right brain**: Could not, but let's see you try. I've already taken the cool title, and you know we don't listen to anything but oldies, so you would just be crossing over into my line of work. So hah!  
**Left brain**: I don't want your stinky title. I'm gonna do a new one.  
**Right brain**: This I gotta see.  
**Left brain**: I already have a title too.  
**Right brain**: Do not.  
**Left brain**: "The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Rings"  
**Right brain**: A crossover? No! I refuse to be a part of that. You are not dressing Aragorn up in that fluffy blue thing…green brings out his eyes…  
**Left brain**: No silly, the songs! I've put the soundtrack on repeat to help me!  
**Right brain**: Oh someone help me! Not the ABBA!  
**Left brain**: Yes, there's ABBA, and the Village People, and Gloria Gaynor and….  
**Right brain**: Zip it!  
**Left brain**: Fine then, I'm just gonna go work over here.  
**Right brain**: Fine then. Stop it with the humming and the ABBA!  
**Left brain**: You're the one humming, I'm working.

Well, now that I have realised how demented I in fact am, have fun! 

(Best read while listening to the sound track of "The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert". Insider's tip: when looking in stores to buy it, look under 'A' for Adventure, and not 'P' for Priscilla, like I did in every CD store I went into in the past year. I hope to get all the songs up here, in order. Minus the remixes, of course.)

I OWN NONE OF THIS!!!!! PLEASE DON'T SUE (or Mary-Sue…* cues rimshot *)


	2. I've Never Been To Me

Based on:

****

"I've Never Been To Me"

as performed by Charlene

__

--(Glorfindel rides up to Rivendell on his horse, Asfaloth he sees Elrond standing on a balcony, and not looking happy. He starts to sing.)--

Hey Elrond, you Elrond,  
cursing at your life  
you're a discontented Elf-Lord  
and you're dealing with your strife.  
I've no doubt  
you dream about the things you never do  
but I wish someone had to talked to me like I wanna talk to you.

Ooh, I've been to Rohan and Lothlorien and anywhere I could run  
Took the reins of my Asfaloth  
and we rode out in the sun  
But I ran out of places and friendly faces  
Because I had to be free  
I've been to Rivendell but I've never been to me...

Please Elrond, please Elrond  
don't just walk away.  
Cause I have this need to tell you  
why I'm all alone today  
I can see so much of me  
still living in your eyes  
won't you share a part  
of your immortal heart   
that will live a million lives

Oh, I've been to Gondor and the edge of Mordor  
And I've visited Cirdan's yacht.  
I moved like a man with Ghan-buri-Ghan  
and showed him what I've got.  
I've been addressed by kings,  
and I've seen some rings that an Elf-Lord ain't supposed to see  
I've been to Rivendell but I've never been to me...

__

--(Glorfindel stops singing, to speak to Elrond, face to face, man…er….elf to elf)--  
Hey, you know what Rivendell is? It's all elves. A fantasy created to make this world the way we want it to be. But you know what truth is? It's the fact that we're immortal, and it's the fact that we've seen this world grow, the same world that may destroy itself one day. That's truth, that's life.

Sometimes I've been to crying for mortal friendships  
that might have made me complete  
but I, I took the sweet life  
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I spent my life exploring,  
Heard oceans roaring,  
they make me want to be free.  
Hey Elrond, I've been to Rivendell  
but I've never been to me...

I've been to Rivendell but I've never been to me...


	3. Go West

Based on:

****

"Go West"

as performed by the Village People

__

--(Sam and Frodo ride up to the Grey Havens. They see a host of elves coming, Galadriel, Celeborn, Elrond, Haldir, Glorfindel, and many others, as well as Gandalf. Gandalf rides up to them, and tells them the elves have written a song about this time of parting. Haldir comes up to the front to sing, as the others back him up)--

Whoa whoa whoa whoa…yeah yeah….

Together we will go our way, together we will leave some day.   
Immortal elves will leave the land, immortals we shall make the plans.   
Immortal we can never die, immortals tell your friends goodbye.   
Together we will start life new, together this is what we'll do.   
  
Go west, life is peaceful there.   
Go west, lots of open air.   
Go west, to begin life new.   
Go west, this is what we'll do.   
Go west, sun in wintertime.   
Go west, we will do just fine.   
Go west, where the skies are blue.   
Go west, this and more we'll do.   
  
Together we will love the trees, together we sail overseas.   
Together change our pace of life, together we will work and strive.   
I'm an elf, I know you are too; I want you happy and not blue.  
So that's why I have no protest when you say you want to go west.   
  
Go west, life is peaceful there.   
Go west, lots of open air.   
Go west to begin life new.   
Go west, this is what we'll do.   
Go west, sun in wintertime.   
Go west, we will do just fine.   
Go west where the skies are blue.   
Go west, this and more we'll do.   
  
I know that there are many ways to live there in the sun or shade.   
Together we will find a place to settle down and live with the space   
Without the busy pace back east, the fading, shading of our race,   
I know I'm ready to leave too, so this is what we're going to do,   
  
Go west, life is peaceful there.   
Go west, lots of open air.   
Go west to begin life new.   
Go west, this is what we'll do.   
Go west, sun in wintertime.   
Go west, we will do just fine.   
Go west where the skies are blue.   
Go west, this and more we'll do.   
  
Go west...(repeat & fade)


	4. Samwise, Don't Be a Hero

Based on:

****

"Billy, Don't Be a Hero"

as performed by Paper Lace

The hobbit group came down along Main Street,  
the autumn moon began to shine.  
I looked across and there I saw Samwise,  
waiting to go and join the line.  
And with her head upon his shoulder  
the young and lovely Rosie-lass.  
From were I stood I saw she was crying  
and through a tear I heard her gasp:  


"Samwise, don't be a hero,  
don't be a fool with your life.  
Samwise, don't be a hero,  
come back and make me your wife."  
And as Samwise started to go,  
she said "Keep your woolly head low.  
Samwise, don't be a hero, come back to me".  
  
The Fellowship were looking for Frodo,  
the orcs were raging all around.  
Then Strider cried "We've got to find Frodo,  
you make sure you follow me, Sam."  
"I need to stop and think," said Samwise.  
"He would have gone back to the boats."  
And Samwise ran back down the forest path,  
forgetting all the words she said.  
  
She said:  
"Samwise, don't be a hero,  
don't be a fool with your life.  
Samwise, don't be a hero,  
come back and make me your wife."  
And as Samwise started to go,  
she said "Keep your woolly head low.  
Samwise, don't be a hero, come back to me".

  
I heard it said that they had some children,  
They lived their lives in old Bag End.  
They were told that their dad was a hero,  
And Middle-Earth he helped to mend.  
Now they just have their garden to tend.   
  
"Samwise, don't be a hero,  
don't be a fool with your life.  
Samwise, don't be a hero,  
come back and make me your wife."  
And as Samwise started to go,  
she said "Keep your woolly head low.  
Samwise, don't be a hero, come back to me".


	5. My Uruks Love Fightin'

Based on:

****

"My Baby Loves Lovin'"

as performed by White Plains

--_(we see Saruman in his tower, proud of his accomplishments of breeding the superior orc-race of the Uruk-hai. His fighting forces are ready for their first mission, and he is…so happy he decides to sing a song.)--_

My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.  
My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.

  
I was lonely once in this great big tower,  
Just a little wizard with no great power.  
'Till that lucky day when they came my way,  
Now I can make this Middle-Earth pay.

My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.  
My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.

They're the only ones, make me feel so tough  
Can't believe I thought just orcs were enough.  
All my silent fears seem to fly away.  
And Sauron smiled at me as if to say:  
  
Your Uruks love, your Uruks love fightin'  
They've got what it takes to kill.  


No more lonely nights just waiting for the fellowship to call.  
No more boring days, I sent my Uruks out to get them all.  
I'm telling you people  


My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.  
My Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'.   
They've got what it takes, and they know how to use it.

  
They're the only ones, make me feel so tough  
Can't believe I thought just orcs were enough.  
All my silent fears seem to fly away.  
And Sauron smiled at me as if to say:  
Your Uruks love, my Uruks love fightin'  
They've got what it takes to kill.  



	6. I Love The Precious (Ring That's Round)

Based on:

****

"I Love The Nightlife (Disco 'Round)"

as performed by Alicia Bridges

__

--(before us are Sam and Frodo, lying down, and trying to rest. Their 'guide' Golllum crouches on a rock, staring at Frodo's breast. (That's where he kept the ring you sick-minded individuals!!!) _Finally, something inside Gollum snaps, as Sam and Frodo watch on in fear and surprise.)--_

Action!  
Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.  
Ohh…I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.

Please don't talk about fish tonight  
Please don't talk about sweet food.  
Please don't talk about being true  
And all the trouble we've been through.  
Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans  
we had for getting into Mordor land.

I want to go where the fishies swim,  
I want some action ... I want the ring!  
Action ... I want that little thing.  
I want to use it. I want to get some power.

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.  
Ohh…I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.

Please don't talk about fish tonight.  
Your strange eatings won't make it right.  
Elven rope just brings me down  
'f I Had that ring, I'd tie Samwise down.  
You can take it there and when you're through,  
maybe then I'll take, huh, the Precious from you.

I want to go where the fishies swim,.  
I want some action ... I want the ring!  
Action ... I want that little thing.  
I want to use it. I want to get some power.

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.  
I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.

(sax solo)

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.  
I love the Precious,  
I got to get me, get the ring that's round, oh yea.


End file.
